From 08 to 09

Christmas has past. New year is just around the corner. Other than wishing everyone a Merry Christmas (a bit too late...) and Happy New Year, I guess it's also time for me to reflect on what I've gone through for the whole year.

Ever since I've entered into 2008, my memory has been deteriorating. It has gotten from bad to worse after I've spend so much time in army. Now I can't even remember whether I spend my first day of the year in Singapore or not. Maybe this is something called post-school syndrome. I'm not using my brains as much as I did back then (obviously...). This has resulted in my brain not functioning properly. Anyway, this is not important (actually it IS). As long as I can remember all the important events that happened over the year, it's good enough.

WARNING: This post may be incredibly long. If you don't want to go blind, please rest your eyes in between every two to three paragraphs.


Army

There are two dates in army you'll never forget. One is your enlistment date and one is your ORD date. Mine is 110108 (this is how we write date in army) and 101109 respectively. So, my army life started on 11th January. On this day, I was supposed to report to Pasir Ris (or was it?) interchange by 9 am. My mother also accompanied me. But due to certain reasons we took MRT instead of car. And when were almost a few stops away, I suddenly had an unbearable stomachache. It's the feeling that something's gonna come out very soon. I managed to convince my mum to let me go toilet, and after that we took a cab, but we were still late. (Of course, my mum scolded me for not going toilet earlier...)

However, I think that is the only occassion in army when you can be late. They didn't say anything, and we still got to Tekong successfully. After several introductions and parting with my mum, I knew that I was posted to Hawk Company Platoon 2 Section 1. The first phase of my NS life had started.

They say that BMT is the most fun part of NS and we should cherish it. I agree to a certain extent. BMT is the only time when everyone can learn different things together and go through so many interesting activities. I also experienced something like hostel stay for the first time. At first, I was filled with uneasiness, because there were a lot of things I didn't know whether I could do or not. But soon the only rule in NS came to me - "You can do anything, just don't get caught". And I also learnt how to apply that rule, though failing at times.

After BMT I was posted to Changi Naval Base to be a Sea Soldier Trainee. My vocation was "Sea Soldier Leader". During BMT they kept pestering us to make the decision that will determine our NS life: to be a commander or not. After much thought and struggle, I've decided to say "Yes". I was expecting to go SISPEC instead of OCS, since my peer evaluation wasn't very good. But instead they gave me this "Sea Soldier Leader". The sergeants said that people like me are actually qualified to go SISPEC. I also thought so, without realising the big difference...

SSC (Sea Soldier Course) was mainly filled with regimentation and physical training. They made the vocation "sea soldier" out to be very noble, like the guardian of the sea. In actual fact it has no much difference from any army RP (regimental police). We do the same thing: guard duty. The only thing that I gained from SSC was the physical training, but all those went down the drain after I was posted to unit. And I've lost a very important thing through SSC: the chance to become a spec (specialist).

I always thought I could become a commander. I thought I had the ability to be one, and really believed in it to such an extent that I already made plans on what to do after I became one. That is why I was devastated when my section commander in SSC told me that I was not recommended to be a leader (ie Spec). I really wanted to cry. I didn't understand why. He was the one who told me that I had the potential, but why did he take it away in the end? Then he said it's because there were too many people who were going to be leader. Does that mean I was at the bottom among them? Does that mean those people are better than me? I really don't think so. I was not convinced. But, it was already fixed, and there was nothing I can do about it.

And then I was posted to TDS (Tual Defence Squadron), the place I would be for the remaining army life. Pardon my vulgarity, but I think this is the most f**ked up place to be. We only have one weekend every two weeks, we have to do duty even on public holidays, we have to come back on weekdays even when we are not on duty, we can only go home at 4.30 pm when are on stand-by etc. And on top of this we still have all the range and IMT, disrupting our schedule and losing more weekends. Seriously speaking, this is the last vocation anyone want to get. I'd rather suffer for five days and get my weekend every week than to come to such a unit.

Well, there's nothing I can do except to suck thumb. After doing duty for some time, I came to realise that what my commanders said during BMT was true. The second rule in army: "When you want to do something, make sure others see you doing it". It seems to contradict with the first rule, but the "things" we are talking about are different. In Singapore terms, this is known as wayang. And I don't know how to wayang. I had never believed in doing things just to show others. And that's why I only did things for the sake of doing them. I didn't do anything extra, neither did I do anything less. Maybe that's where the difference came in. The army only accepts those who wayang and not those who work silently. In fact it is also the same in society. But my character just doesn't allow me to do so! This made me worried about my future....


Weiqi

Time to switch to something outside army. Ah, weiqi, my so-called commitment. Even after starting to serve NS I've never stopped learning it, even though the amount of time spent on it has significantly decreased. Some people would give up weiqi after they started NS, but I didn't. Why? Because I like this game. In the past I used to think that I could continue playing weiqi just because I like it, but now I'm starting to have doubts. Maybe this is part of growing up. I'm starting to think about what I could gain from weiqi and what I could do with it in the future, and couldn't think of anything. This caused me to become sort of complacent, and my skills dropped. I also started to take weiqi less seriously, and number of games I played online have decreased to almost zero.

I did attend almost every competition I could, including the Singapore Weiqi League. Every time it showed that I wasn't really up to standard, but during the competition itself at least I've done my best. I missed the chance to go World Amateur this year due to BMT, but I will definitely fight for it next year. To me, being able to play in competitions is good enough. Then came the Mind Sports Games incident. I had the qualification to go for Word Mind Sports Games (WMSG) in October, but the army couldn't grant me any leaves. WMSG wasn't supported by the Sports Council. It wasn't even considered a sports event, even though it's called Mind SPORTS. This incident made me worry about the future of weiqi in Singapore, but luckily it didn't take away my passion. I will still carry on playing it, until the day when I lose interest.


Character Development

I have always been a man of "few words". I don't know since when it has been like that, and I don't know why it turned out like that. I don't think a person's character is decided from the day he's born, but I do believe that it is difficult to change once it is fixed. That is why I always couldn't change the way I deal with things...

You can say things have become worse after I've started NS. I've lost interest in a lot of things, and just can't be bothered about it. I've become more lackadaisical, and slacks off every time I have the chance to. Even now I still haven't really tidied up my room, since my A'levels.

It's not that I don't want to change. I've tried to do things more seriously. I've tried to learn more things. I've tried to talk more to people. But they all failed. My social network has not been widening, and my relationship with other people is not getting better. All because of this stupid character of mine.

I ask myself a lot of times: why am I who I am? But no one gave me an answer. Maybe everyone thinks about the same question, just that they are not bothered by it as much as I do. If I were not who I am (ie Zhang Xiang), who or what would I be? But there really is not point in thinking about it. I can't change who I am. The only thing I can do is to live this life of mine until I die.

Sense of responsibility is what I am lacking in. It's a simple word, yet it carried a very deep meaning. I used to think that only leaders carry responsibilities. Now I know that even a simple thing such as making a choice is also an act of responsibility. Because I don't feel the responsibility of making a correct choice, I don't show concern and enthusiasm. However, it is true that leaders will carry more responsibilities than man. That's why I wanted to be a leader. To carry more responsibilities. To train myself. To force myself to think more. There's no other way to change this character of mine other than go through practical means. But then, nobody gave me the opportunity... The most I can do now is to try to carry more responsibilities at home. After all, I am growing up, am I not?


Academic Stuff

When I got my A'level results in March, I was kind of relieved and disappointed at the same time. Relieved because I got all the A's that I wanted. Disappointed because I got bad results for those I didn't expect to get an A. With this kind of results it would be hard for me to get a scholarship. I also didn't know what course to take in university. I thought I could spend the time in NS to think about my future, without knowing that NS would take away our ability to think and work hard. In the end, heeding my friend's advice, I chose Aerospace Engineering in NTU. I even went for an interview (without any preparation...) and got accepted. But did I really make the right choice? Do I really like subject/field? I have yet to find out. Hopefully in the year 2009, I will find an answer to this question.

I also feel that it would be a good idea to go and study overseas. I didn't want to do so at first, because it would take time and effort to adapt to a totally different culture, and I'm also used to the life in Singapore. But now I think maybe learning a new culture isn't so bad. It will be a very good experience and I will also learn more about how to live in this world. The country I have in mind is Japan. I always wanted to go back and live there for one time, so it would be the best if I could go there to study. I like the Japanese culture and language, and want to experience it more. I want to speak more Japanese and interact with more Japanese people. And most important of all, I miss Japan. A lot.

I believe interest is more important than anything else when choosing a course. But for me nothing really draws my interest. I like Physics, but does that mean I should take Physics? Also, what will happen to all those commitments that I have? I won't possibly be able to fulfil all of them. That's when time management comes in.

"You will never have time to do everything you want." If anyone was in the same camp as me, he will soon come to realise this fact. I have so many things to do at home, so many things to learn and so many things to think about. I still need to go out buy stuff and eat and mingle with friends. And there's still army stuff to worry about. Where am I going to get the time from? That's why we need a proper time management. Unfortunately my time management skills are still very substandard, and I can't get things done properly. Especially at home, I will do things that I thought of for the moment, get so engrossed in it, then forget about the rest of the things. This always happens. If there's one habit I want to change in 2009, it would be this one. Self-control, is the keyword here.


Human Relationships

Somehow or other I've always been looked down upon by many people. It's not that I'm not capable. It's not that I can't do things. It's just that people assume I can't. People think I am stupid and is not in the same intellectual level as them. People think I am blur and will always screw things up. Truth, I am absent-minded at times, but I believe I do do things properly when I should. Just that other people don't see them.

This has always been the case, from BMT to SSC to TDS. It's hard to change others' impression of you, so I suppose it will be like this for the rest of the army life as well. For people to understand each other, is so difficult that it is almost unachievable to me. Are trust and true friendship only part of bedtime stories? In this kind of world, I have enough evidence to say yes.

The reason why I don't talk? Hmm, I also don't know. Maybe it's because I don't see the importance of talking. Maybe there's nothing to talk about. Maybe I'm not humorous enough. Maybe I'm afraid of getting laughed at. Maybe my mind is blank. Or maybe I just don't like that person. In army, there are a lot of people I don't like. If I were to classify them they would fall under the category of "hooligans". And when I don't like a person, most probably it would remain like that for a long time. Oh yeah, and he won't like me either.

I should talk more. Yes. But when I really can't think of things to talk about, what can I do? Here comes the character problem again. Somehow I feel I'm doing it wrong in dealing with other people, but don't know how to change it. Maybe if there's a course on this it would be nice (and how about a course on LIFE? LOL).


Miscellaneous

Felt like learning driving this year, but didn't carry it out. Actually there are a lot of things I want to learn, but didn't do in the end. Maybe if I have the chance to I will learn it next year. But somehow I don't feel like driving. It's dangerous, and most importantly it contributes to pollution. There's also the problems of oil price, and I'm also worried that oil is going to run out very soon (believe it or not, I've always been worried about it since primary school).

Instead of spending time learning new stuff (and old stuff...), I spent my time getting all the enjoyment I can. Instead of spending my time in army thinking about life, I got myself a PSP (two times!!) and iPod Touch. Recently I found a good site to download manga so I am busy reading all the manga I can. I also started to convert videos to mp3 so that I can bring to camp to watch. Is this how my 1 year 10 months in army is going to pass? Without achieving anything and without doing anything constructive? I certainly hope not...

About my piano and guitar, I've learned for some time on my own, but since I joined TDS I haven't really been touching them already. The schedule here at TDS is to messy (ie f**ked up) for me to plan any lessons and train constantly. But I do still hope that next year I can somehow squeeze out time for lessons.

I organised gathering for my gang (The ZX Gang) almost every week when HL was around. But now that he's left, for a better cause, I've lost the main chef in my gang, and also due to my schedule the number of gatherings have decreased. We do still get together at times. Hope in the next year we can still do the same. It's nice to have friends that can last for so long.

Due to a particular drunkard, I've been going drinking much more this year. Now I like beer more, but I don't really like Carlsberg and Tiger Beer. And I'm proud to say that I have never gotten drunk before. Will I break the record in the year 2009? We shall see...


Conclusion

That's all this tiny brain (and poor memory) of mine can remember. A lot of things happened this year. Really, a lot. But what I have gained from all these things that have happened is another thing. I will be turning 20 in the next year. It isn't an age to be meddled with already. I should be at least an adult who can make decisions and do things for himself by then. If I were not able to do that, I would be very much ashamed of myself...

The Next Step

All things will come to an end eventually. That also applies to Whompoa Cup 2008. This year's Whompoa was quite disastrous. The number of people in Group A was only about 34, and Jerry actually lost in the first round. The final result was Xie Tang 1st and I got a mere 3rd. Initially I was going for 2nd but I lost to this guy called Lu Yong in the final round. He played for Hua Yuan Team in the Singapore Weiqi League and is quite strong, since he only lost to Xie Tang. However, I had the confidence to win him and I was also kind of leading in the game. But suddenly I made a series of bad moves and resulted in the situation being overturned. In the end I missed an exchange and one piece got killed. Game Over. Luckily my SOS was quite high, allowing me to get a 3rd, but who would be happy after playing such a bad game?

The fact now is very obvious. I still have A LOT to improve. I'm lacking in all areas, and to make it to World Amateur next year this level is not enough. From now on, I will do Tsumego everyday even when in camp, and when I'm at home I'll play at least one game on KGS. This competition has made me realise how numb I have become when playing weiqi. The worst thing a player can do is to stop calculating, and that's what I always do. This must be overcome.

In the meantime, since Whompoa Cup is over, I will also devote some of my time to other committments. Not reading manga and stuff, but playing piano. I haven't been playing for a while, and forgot a lot of scores already. Firstly I need to get a tuner to tune my piano, and after that I need to get my piano teacher back. The schedule will be a bit messy, but hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Let's see some of the photos taken during this year's Whompoa Cup:

Xie Tang, famous for winning everyone in his way.

Yurika playing Wang Chuan. This game had an interesting ending.

Alvin and Yurika

Yurika and Xie Tang

Yurika with specs look like Obaasan...

With me inside

Hehe

HELLO, XING WEI!!

Gambling in public!!

NSF also involved!!!

And this pre-enlistee!!

I'm so sad about my game that I cried... ToT

And Yurika also cried because she got a lower rank than me... =D

Yurika

Big Mo

Wang Jing, PRC studying in SP

FCC, 4th

Me

Lu Yong, 2nd

And the notorious Xie Tang!

Group A prize winners

Xing Wei's big mouth (and face...)

Yurika and Gabriel

The key chain I got as a prize for doing the Tsumego given. Those lucky draw winners got much better items... "-_-

My prize coupons. Gotta go NTUC buy stuff again.

And the trophy... Looks elegant, but it's still plastic...

Whompoa Cup

Finally the Whompoa Cup has started. The wait seemed very long, yet it arrived so fast. Too fast that I haven't fully prepared for it. Honestly speaking I haven't been playing recently even on the internet. My laziness has been acting up a lot, and I was busy reading ONE PIECE manga the past few days... If I didn't get into the top 4 because of this, I think I will be very sad...

Played the first 3 games today. They weren't so bad, except the 2nd game which I played against a PRC studying in SP. Made quite a few mistakes but was still leading. But into yose, my lead became more and more less, and only at the end did I realise that I only won by one and a half moku. It was so close! My time management was bad, and that's why I made a lot of losses in yose. I guess it's still the concentration problem. It's hard to keep my focus and keep calculating, and that's where I need to train more.

There was an interesting incident today. I've never seen such incident happening anywhere before. There was this guy playing Yurika, and Yurika seemed to be losing. And she didn't have much time left. But in the end it turned out that Yurika killed two of the opponent's pieces, and she was winning already. But she didn't have enough time to complete the game, and the opponent obviously had more time than her. Then her opponent just started playing randomly and even played into her territory, just to make her lose by time. Kanglaoshi saw this stopped the game, saying it's against the rules and he announced Yurika win. The guy wasn't happy. He kept arguing, saying he can still play and he thought he'd won by time so he played like that. But Kanglaoshi still didn't change his decision, and in the end the guy had to accept the defeat.

Well, I find it kind of ridiculous if you PLAN to win by time. Weiqi is a game played on a board, and not through a clock. The clock is only there to make sure that the game doesn't take too long. If you are winning your opponent by time and you are also leading in the game, why would you want to give up the lead and try to win by time? I think he was kind of anxious also lah, 'cos he didn't expect things to turn out like that. But since he has more time, he could've used that time to think properly and find a move that wouldn't lead to his loss.

Got another four more games tomorrow. The number of people going for this year's Whompoa Group A is so little... It's less than 40 people, you know? At this rate I would play against Xie Tang very soon... Let's hope I can make it.

Anime Festival Asia

Luckily this weekend was a stand-by weekend, or else I would not have been able to make it for the Anime Festival Asia (AFA) held at Suntec City. Remember that I got no leaves left. I already left my leaves for Whompoa Cup next week...

So I went to Suntec City at around 11.30 am on Sunday, and waited for Linxi until about 12. After that we went for lunch and proceeded to Level 4 for AFA. Surprising there wasn't any queue, and we obtained our tickets smoothly. It also wasn't as crowed as I had expected. There were still a lot of space to move about. Maybe it's because it was still very early.

Already saw a lot of cosplays even before stepping inside the exihibition hall. It was kind of interesting to see anime characters using escalators, LOL. This is actually the first time I'm seeing people cosplay, other than on TV. Sadly to say it was quite disappointing. Many people were either too tall, short, fat, or skin, and their hair length also didn't match the original character. A lot of combinations when posing for photos were also weird. The props and costume were nice, but maybe more effort could be put in, at least for those characters that I know of. But then, it is impossible to cosplay until you look exactly like the anime character. Maybe my expectations are too high, haha. =D

Some pics of cosplays:

I don't know what this anime is...

But this girl is quite cute. =)

Zabuza and Haku, from NARUTO. This is one of the more decent combinations.

A robot from Code Geass.

Don't know this one either...

But the girl on the left looks like Otsuka Ai from this angle... LOL

Unknown.

Unknown.

Naruto and Sakura. But for god's sake why are they fighting an Anbu??

Bankai Ichigo and Hinamori, lietenant of 5th Squadron fighting a mere Hollow?? Since when did hollows become so strong...

A rather cute Byakuya, from BLEACH...



Yah, cute... LOL



And a very cute Mario! =D

Why is Sasuke fighting an Anbu...

Resting cosplay personnels.

Unknown, but interesting.

Unknown.

Oh my god!! A HOLLOW!!!!! =P

He was standing very still...

Renji.

Were Byakuya and Gin so friendly? I don't think so...

This robot again.

Buahahahahahaha!!!!!!

O.o, what a great combination.

In the afternoon there was a cosplay competition. People took turns to go onto stage to perform a skit they composed which can be a short clip from the anime. To my dismay, there wasn't any NARUTO or BLEACH cosplays on stage. And many of the performances were quite ridiculous. Like, why would anime characters be singing disney songs?? In the Code Geass performance the robot took ages to climb up the stairs onto the stage. It was hilarious to see the robot doing that, 'cos usually it flies (in the anime). And furthermore some parts of the robot broke off after it went onto the stage, but they still carried on with the performance and completed it.

I took some videos of the cosplay competition. Will post them after I've uploaded them to youtube. Some screen shots:

Noticed this guy in interesting uniform...

But realised he was playing PSP. LOL

Yup, this is the robot.

Finally it's on stage...

Other than cosplays the main highlight of AFA was figurines. Yes, lots and lots of figurines. I heard that some figurines were so popular that they were sold out in the first hour. Looks like there's been a lot of competition here on Saturday... For me I'm not really particularly interested in figurines, unless I really like the design. I still feel that DVDs are more worth it than the some stationary figures.

Here's a look at some of the figurines:

Gundam.

Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous.

Miscellaneous.

Dragonball!! I used to watch this a lot.

More Dragonball heroes and villaines.

Interesting change of costume. Felt like buying this but it was too expensive...

Goku in Super Saiyajin 4!!

Mini L. If this was available I would definitely buy this. LOL

Mini Ryuk.

Batman.

FF VII.

More superheroes.

FF VII.

I believe this is Cloud (I don't play FF VII...)


This was quite interesting, I didn't know they have figurines for movies as well...

"I WANT TO PLAY A GAME." LOL

Some other interesting exhibits:

Toys.

D.Gray Man poster.

Code Geass poster.

...>< Code Geass with live person.

Interesting drawing of Deidara, and the words... LOL For those who can't see it's written "nice drawing, buy my hair covers my left eye, uh". Haha=)

Itachi. Very well drawn.

People drawing.

At 7.15 pm, the event everyone has been waiting for started: live performance by May'n. I didn't really know May'n very well. I only knew that she sang songs for this anime called Macross Frontier. But her songs were quite nice, and she gave quite a good performance. It was amazing how she carried out all her dance and stuff while maintaining her voice. This is also the first time I've seen a concert in live, and I was very excited. Now I've got another singer to support. And you know what, she's younger than me!! Born in the same year, but her birthday is in October. Haha, maybe I stand a chance?

Photographs and video taking were prohibited during the concert. And I actually FOLLOWED the rules. What a fool of me, I could have just snapped a few pics. After the concert there was this hand-shaking session with May'n for those Diamond VIP pass holders. They will also get a signature of May'n each. I wish I will also get such a chance in the future.

Took some photos during the hand-shaking session, but not very clear as I was quite far from the stage. She's quite cute, isn't she? And lively too. She shakes hands not using one, but both hands.

Good luck to May'n in her future career. Fight on!


That's the end of my AFA report. I had a thought when attending this event. Would there be such thing called J-POP festival? If there is I would be the first one to buy the ticket, and if there's a concert by ayu or ai-chan I would buy first row ticket no matter how much it costs. =D