Shock

Received a very shocking news yesterday.

Until now, I still don't know how to react to it.

I don't know how I should face it.

All I can say is I was really very shocked.

Shocked until I don't know what to say.

This means that one of my dreams has been shattered.

Mostly, if not completely.

Why did it end up this way?

Honestly, I have no idea.

But I can conclude that what I have been thinking all along was wrong.

I was too stupid and innocent.

And what I have done wasn't enough.

If it even mattered in the first place.

This news destroyed so many of my thoughts and plans.

And all of a sudden I don't know what to do.

I question myself, "What is the meaning of life?"

Before this I didn't know the answer but I could still live happily.

Now, I'm not sure whether I can still do that.

Another lesson learnt is, I need to stop living in my own world.

Waiting for things to happen.

Waiting for things to come to me.

Nothing is going to come to me if I just sit here and wait.

Nobody is going to talk to me if I just sit here and keep quiet.

Activeness is what I lacked all along.

I thought I was active enough, but I was wrong.

I hope to see a more active side of me next time.

But for now, I'll just sit at home, and think about life.