Failure Once More

My feeling now? I feel like punching a sandbag as hard as I can. And maybe continue doing that for 5 minutes.

But too bad, I don't have a sandbag at home.

For one more time, I've lost. Lost the chance to represent Singapore in World Amateur Go Championship. Lost the chance to go Tokyo, Japan, where I've long been wanting to go.

I've been preparing for this since last year, and I even used up my last two leaves just to take part in the Whompoa Cup, so that I can get into the selections. I've been doing Tsumego and reading Weiqi book everyday in camp.

But, the fact is, I still lost.

Maybe I still lack something. Something I don't know. Is it called "fighting spirit"? Is it called "will to win"?

Have I not been training enough? (This is quite obvious...)

Right now, I can only say that I'm such a big failure.

It was a good game. Even though my pieces got eaten, I've also made quite a big moyo and my opponent didn't attempt to invade. Hence I was leading by quite a lot by endgame. However I spent too much time in the beginning when my that piece was gonna die, hence I didn't have a lot of time left to think. This lead me to play every move in a hurry, leading to a major mistake and I resigned.

If not for that move I made in the last minute, I would have won.

I don't know about the second game, but at least I would have won that game.

And I would be feeling much better.

But I lost.

I couldn't keep my promise I made in my last post.

Failure.

I guess for the time being, I'll distance myself from weiqi. I'll find other ways to entertain myself. There are other methods to enjoy life.

Congrats to whoever got selected.


PS Who knows maybe this incident will affect my decision to go to which university, and affect my future.