Scary Thoughts

Have you ever wondered what will happen after you die?


I don't mean what will happen to you. I mean what will happen to the world.


Sometimes I will tend to think about it.


What will happen after I die?


Who will cry for me? Who will remember me? Who will know that I once existed?


I think the saddest thing is not dying, but dying without being remembered by anyone.


The number of people remembering you would represent the number of bonds you have created in this world.


These bonds would also result in wonderful memories.


And memories are the only thing you can bring with you when you die.


Nothing else.


These memories will also be left behind in the people whom you created bonds with.


And they are much more valuable then money.


Imagine how sad would it be, when at your deathbed, you realise that you have no memories to bring with you.


How sad would it be, if everybody treats your death as an everyday news, or shows no concern at all.


I don't know when I will die. And I'm sure nobody knows.


But I know, that I sure don't want to end up that way.


Even though it seems to be going in that direction.




P.S.
Just summing up a random thought which I had a while ago.

Birthday Blues

I realised I have been complaining a lot of my blog recently.

I want to make some positive posts.

But I just can't make myself to do it.

Maybe I've just getting more and more negative these days.

Or these months. Or even years. I don't know

I predict that this will be another complaining post again.

So, I just passed my 23rd Birthday.

23rd!!

Thinking of the number really makes me feel scared.

Am I that old now? 23 years' old!!??

I can't remember how I spent my 20th Birthday.

But 3 years have passed since then.

What have I done?

What have I achieved?

I have been thinking a lot about life recently.

About my life, and about my future.

About why I still do not have a girlfriend. (LOL)

I kind of regret the choice of going to NTU to study Aerospace Engineering.

It's not that this is not good. It's not that I don't like this.

It's just that, it probably wasn't a good choice for me.

I think in order to really grow up and become a better person, one needs to experience many things.

And that's what I have not been doing. Experiencing things.

Everyday go to school, listen to lectures, tutorials, and after that go study in the library.

That's not really the kind of life I want.

That's not my ideal university life.

But that's how it is now.

Now I have very little motivation to study.

Because I don't know what I can get from this.

I don't know what this path will bring me to in the future.

I admire Chou Yang. He could give up his NUS place and go back to Taiwan to pursue what he wants.

Should I do that too?

If now I were to go back to 5 years ago to make a choice, I wouldn't choose NTU Aerospace Engineering.

I would choose somewhere overseas.

Only then can I learn how to be independent.

And how to be more mature.

Year 2 into NTU now.

Not sure if my option is still open now.

I hope someone can tell me the answer.

Though I know in the end, I still have to be the one to make the decision.

Time

I realised one problem.

I always seem to think that I have some more time.

That I have enough time to do what I want.

Hence I would often leave things to do later.

Instead of doing them now.

This competition in Japan was also the same.

In the end I couldn't even say a proper good-bye.

Time is actually never enough.

Especially happy times.

They pass like nobody's business.

Therefore, from now on I wish I can cherish every single moment.

Maybe not every second, but I hope I don't let every minute come to waste.

Or every 10 minute, based on the amount of time I've wasted so far.

Please don't let me waste any more time.

I don't want to waste any more time.

On the other hand, it could very well be that what I'm doing now is a total waste of time.

But I don't really want to think about that now.

At least, not until after I pull over this semester.

P.S. This Japan trip was really fun. I've jotted down the events, so I'll update in the future if I have the time.

Productivity and Goal

Saw this above pic on Facebook recently.

This really struck me.

It taught me something.

Or rather, it made me realised what I have not been doing.

Let me tell you about the "8 Habits of Highly Unproductive People".

Habit 1: Keep all the unimportant

(And don't care about the important)

Habit 2: Take break anytime you want

(Just have fun!)

Habit 3: Do not care about productivity pitstops.

(Things that limit your productivity? Never mind, let them be!)

Habit 4: Forget about inspirations.

(What's inner muse anyway)

Habit 5: Do not set up barriers to entry

(Make yourself as accessible as possible!)

Habit 6: Do things last minute

(Just have fun first!)

Habit 7: Do not set timelines

(Just do things whenever you want!)

Habit 8: Think that everything is automated.

(Yeah all problems will be solved by themselves)

Well this is not really exactly what I have been doing but it's more or less the same.

I think Habit 1 is the No. 1 culprit. I do way too many unimportant stuff.

So many that I often lose track of what's important and what's unimportant.

I do set timelines, but I often forget about them.

Those unimportant stuff always take away much of my time, leaving less time for important stuff.

Maybe the question here is, what exactly is my goal?

What do I want to achieve?

I realise that question is not clear to me.

That's why every night I still sleep late, and I still oversleep on some days.

Because I'm not sure what I want to achieve.

What I want to do.

So I think from now, I need to write down my goal very clearly.

And paste it on my wall, so that I can see everyday.

Yes, I need to be reminded everyday.

Otherwise, I really don't know what will happen.

Mistakes

Every day we make mistakes.

And this week I've already made 2.

Most likely I've made more than that. It's just that I only acknowledge 2.

Why?

It's not that I don't know it's a mistake.

I knew it deeply in my heart.

But I still committed the mistake.

So what should I do when I commit a mistake?

Punish myself?

How?

I remember how many people said we should make more mistakes so that we can correct ourselves.

But what if we become so indifferent to mistakes that we don't care anymore?

What if we just make mistakes but don't bother correcting them anymore?

I think the important thing is to CORRECT the mistakes, and not make them.

If you keep making the same mistakes then it's never good.

So, what I can do now, is to prevent myself from making the same mistake ever again.

If I do again, then I really have to think of a punishment for myself.

Now

2012 is here.

2011 seemed like a sleeping year.

I seemed to almost sleep throughout the year.

What have I done?

What have I achieved?

I don't know.

In fact some things seemed to have worsened.

What's the reason?

What resulted in this?

After much thoughts, I found out the culprits.

They are the words "tomorrow" and "later".

I realised I keep saying "I'll start from tomorrow", or "I'll do it later".

Ending up getting nothing done at all.

I should say goodbye to "tomorrow" and "later".

I should welcome "now" and let him be my good friend.

I realised that's the most important thing.

Or at least that's what's important to me now.

So.

"I'll start now."

CEASE

I DECLARE.

STRICTLY NO MORE ENTERTAINMENT UNTIL THE END OF EXAMS.

PERIOD.

Akiby and MAF and Korea

So once again we got champion for SP Chess Challenge.

Or is it called SP Open now? Or Battle of the Wits? Whatever.

Our team won most of the rounds without any problems. Except the round against SP Team A. If Xiaojuhua had lost that game the result would be hard to say.

This competition was also a good chance for me to test out my new toy, the Akiby.

It's the EOS 7d which I bought in Japan long ago. I bought it in Akihabara, that's why I call it Akiby.

It's much harder to use than the previous one. The controls are almost the same, but the settings can vary a lot, hence it's hard to manipulate.

So far I'm still using the AV mode a lot.

I need to learn how to start using the manual mode.

I need to learn how to evaluate the correct settings in different situations by my eyes.

And also, how to compose better.

My friend told me post-editting is very important. But I think it's something which is very hard to learn.

I guess I'll touch on it when I have the time.

Yesterday was Mid-Autumn Festival.

I almost forgot about it until Lin Xi told me on Saturday that they were going HwaChong for MAF.

Had dinner with my parents yesterday at home.

MAF reminds me of friends.

It also reminded me something I seemed to have forgotten.

Perhaps I've been too engrossed in my own stuff.

Last time I used to organise gatherings a lot, but ever since the last holiday, not much.

This is quite a sad thing... Maybe I should've used this MAF to organise a small gathering.

Nowadays I'm losing motivation and determination to do stuff.

It's like I'm... tired.

But nobody cares... Life still carries on.

And I still have to fulfill my duties.

To study.

So, in the end, I still decided to go for the tournament in Korea.

Yes, I will miss school.

But I think it's a rare chance.

What if I don't get selected next year?

What if they don't hold it next year?

It's also a good opportunity for me to gain more experience.

What I need now is more experience.

That's what I lack most.

That's why I'm still weak in many areas.

I lack playing serious games.

Therefore, I chose to go.

Of course, I need to be prepared to face the consequences.

Which is much less time to study.

I suddenly realised I have 3 CAs coming up next week.

This week there are also many activities.

I need to start studying right away.

NOW.

SAF and Tickets and Form

Not much studying was done this week.

I was quite frustrated over many things.

One being receiving a letter from the SAF, asking me to report to NSCC for a charge.

Because I didn't clear my IPPT/RT in time.

Huh??

Ok, I don't even want to talk about this anymore. This is so ridiculous.

Luckily, I managed to contact my unit about this, and this kind lady said she will get them to withdraw the charge, and I won't need to report anymore.

And also the good thing is I would not need to do RT anymore. I just need to complete my IPPT before my next birthday.

Another thing is about air tickets.

Air tickets to Japan, air tickets to Korea, air tickets to Thailand...

So many air tickets to worry about...

Especially the one to Thailand and to Korea. Because Thai U-Go and KPMC are just after one another, this is the first time I'm travelling from a foreign country to another foreign country, so I'm not sure what it would be like.

Should I get 3 one way air ticket, or should I get 2 round trip tickets?

And just today I received a email saying that I can join another competition after the KPMC.

It's also held in Korea, and there is prize money involved.

Should I go for it?

If I go, I'll be missing whole 2 weeks of lesson...

Is it worth it?

But then, I'm already gone for 10 days, so another 3 days doesn't matter much...?

I guess I'll discuss this with Mikyung tomorrow.

She will most probably ask me to go though.

Third thing is my off-form-ness.

I still think I'm off-form.

Even though I beat Wei Ran and Xiaojuhua to get selected for the Thai U-Go, my game against Li Chao was very bad.

I didn't have any clear chance from the start.

Just played another tourney game against him today. It was also very bad.

I was leading at middle game, but at one point I played a gote move, and he managed to get more than 20 points in the centre because of that.

I still had time... Why didn't I think properly?

That's the bad thing about thinking ahead... If you already have the move in mind, you tend to play it and not rethink about it.

If I didn't think about it, I would definitely not play there and end up gote.

Haiz... So in the end it's still my own problem.

And the byo-yomi problem. I'm still very weak at byo-yomi.

The Thai U-Go, and the KPMC are all 30 seconds byo yomi.

I must try to do something before that.

One person on KGS actually gave me some advice. He said I should get enough sleep and exercise. Only then will my brain function well.

Yes, of course I agree. But it's just difficult for me to sleep at night... All these years of not sleeping early has made it almost impossible...

But then, that's not an excuse!

Working hard always come with sacrifice.

And I definitely think I should sacrifice some of my playing time.

Only by putting 100% effort, can the impossible be achieved.

Yes, I will do it!

Anybody wondered why studies is not in my list of things to worry about?

Well, I'm also wondering about that.

Library

Instead of staying at home, I decided to go to library to mug today.

The result? I wouldn't say it's much more effective. Only slightly better than at home.

Why? Because I don't have my annoying laptop beside me, which is my main distraction.

My iPhy is also good enough to be a distraction, but it is not as strong as my Asy.

I can look at my Asy all day if I'm at home, but if I'm in the library, I would be slightly motivated to study and stop looking at my iPhy eventually.

That's the slight difference.

I really miss the days I spent in Beijing.

Those days were so carefree. Playing Go and other stuff everyday.

But holidays don't last forever. And they have already ended 4 weeks ago.

Reality is harsh. But you have to face it.

A cup of coffee really works. It drove most of the laziness away and brought me some determination.

I hope this determination will grow, and last me through the semester.

And I will visit the library more often now.

You know what? It closes at 9.30 pm!

Today's Tsumego:

White to kill.

What's the best white can get?