Results

The first round of National Team Tournament ended on last Sunday. My result: 4 wins out of 7.

One loss was because I couldn't play the game. (As I had to go and watch Madagascar 3!)

So in total I lost 2 games.

One to JC, and one to YX.

I would say it's still a satisfiable result, given the fact that I wasn't in a good condition.

Somehow I felt better on the second Sunday than on the first.

I played both YX and JC on the first Sunday.

Against YX, my game was still ok until middle game but as the game progressed my big group was in danger, but I still had some chance even if I sacrifice the group. However I made a fatal mistake and got my keystones eaten and I couldn't even talk about sacrifice anymore. The game ended in less than 100 moves.

Against JC, I was actually leading until late in the middle game, but after that I don't know why I started playing strange moves that didn't make a single sense to me. Opponent's territory kept increasing while mine kept decreasing. It won't be overboard to say that I lost almost 30 points in end-game. It was really a badly played game.

I'm happy with the other games that I played. Maybe I'm slowing getting back my form!

I also played with a former Japanese Insei on Saturday. He was from the Insei C Group.

The game wasn't good for me at first as I encountered a joseki which I didn't know.

But as the game progressed, he suddenly had a weak group and I managed to bring the game to my advantage.

When end-game started I think I was leading my at least 10 points, but that's where the difference in strength started to appear.

I started making mistakes here and there, and lost about 5 points in end-game, even when I had enough time to think.

In the end I was only leading by 5 points on the board and I lost by  1.5 points.

It was really a pity.

End-game has always been a problem.

The fact that I didn't play my end-game well even when I had time to think shows that my basics are really not there.

If I have the time I would definitely want to properly train myself in end-game.

Maybe in the middle of learning, I would also make some posts on end-game here and there.


I think the key is really to play more games, and to have a clear mind.

A CLEAR MIND is really important.

I myself often let my thoughts run wild, and waste a lot of my time. (Both on the board and in life)

Therefore it is important to be CLEAR about what you want and what you need to do to achieve it (Both in life and on the board)

I guess I'll start working on that now.

To play or not to play?

(;GM[1]FF[4]AP[Drago:4.20]SZ[19]CA[UTF-8]AB[pa][pb][pc][pd][pe][pf][qf][rf][sf]AW[qa][qb][qc][qd][re]C[Black to kill.])

I remember last year sometime in October, when we were training for Thai U-Go under Xie Tang, after my game with him he told me something I will never forget.

(In Chinese) "Hey Zhang Xiang, you haven't really been playing recently, right? You seem easier to deal with than before!"

At that time, it was kind of a shock, and I didn't really know how to react, so I just said...

"Well yeah, maybe now I think much more than last time..."

Now that I think about it...

He was actually true.

It's true that I didn't play a lot of games.

And it's still that way until now.

I like to review professionals' kifus, so I tend to do that a lot.

I will also play casually with low dan players using my casual accounts.

But the number of serious training games I play, really seemed to decline over the years.

My ID, Sadaharu, on KGS, played less than one game per month last year.

Then I thought to myself, why is that so?

And then I realised, it's because I'm scared.

I'm scared of playing serious games.

I'm scared of not playing well.

I'm scared of losing.

After playing Go for so many years, I still get nervous every time I sit in front of a Go Board.

That's especially the case in front of strong players.

Maybe that's why, subconsciously, I avoided playing serious games even when I was free.

And that's how my level started going down.

I realised that playing a game yourself is really important.

Of course reviewing kifus is also important, as it allows you to understand how pros think and what they play.

However, what is more important is the way YOU think, and not the way others think.

Only by playing yourself, would you be able to find out the way YOU think.

And only through that way, you can improve.

That's my recent thought.


Tomorrow is the first National Team Tournament.

Against so many strong players, how will I, who "haven't really been playing", fare?

I shall see.

CHM Nightmare

Last weekend was Lanke Cup.

Qiuping cup was held together at the same place.

The venue was Toa Payoh East CC.

I remember back in my HwaChong days, when Lanke and Qiuping cup was held at NYP Sports Hall, the huge hall was just enough to fill all the participants.

And now, with both the competitions held in a small CC, there are still many empty spaces. This is really saddening. What has happened over the years?

I hear that the popularity of weiqi in Singapore is going up, and I also see many new faces in SWA everytime. But why is it that the number of people joining competitions has decreased?

I'm not an exco but I think this is something they should review...

Anyway, for this year's Lanke, our main opponents were NYP and HCI.

For some reason NUS didn't join this year.

HCI didn't have Jian Zhongfan already, so it was less of a threat.

Hence our main opponent was NYP.

And this year it was very dangerous because we didn't have Xiaojuhua and Wei Ran with us.

But we still wanted to do our best to keep the Lanke trophy.

However, on the first game of the 2nd day...

Shit happened...

I lost a game... to CHM...

...

......

.........

Ok, it was my fault.

I have totally no excuse for the loss.

Because loss means loss.

I only knew about the pairing on the morning itself.

I believed that I could win him.

But the game... turned out very terribly...

Looking back, I don't really know what I was thinking at that game.

I didn't play any strong moves, and I didn't try to increase my territory or attack.

In the end, when I realised that I was losing on territory, the opponent was already too thick and it was already too late.

Seriously, what the hell was I doing?

I don't demand that I play a wonderful game, but at least I want to play a game that I can be content with!

Is that so hard to achieve!?

Haiz, really must go and reflect...

In the end, CHM and Zhaozhen from NYP both got 6 wins.

But their 3rd person, Wen Kang, only got 4 wins.

As for NTU, I got 6 wins, Alvin and Teck Wei got 5 wins.

So, fortunately, we still managed to beat them in terms of score. 

If NYP had sent in another strong player, most likely we would have lost.

And it would be my fault...

...

I call this incident the CHM Nightmare.

And I declare that I will not let this happen again!!

P.S. Some photos:

NTU, Champion

SMU, 4th

NYP, 2nd

HCI, 3rd

NYP Open

Haven't blogged for a long time.


I actually like to blog, just that I don't know why I can't bring myself to do it sometimes.


Well...


Anyway, before I start...


Can anybody tell my why there are so much spam here!!?? ----------------------->


Seriously.

Went to NYP Mindsports Open to be their Chief Arbiter last weekend.

Yes, "Chief Arbiter".

It's not just an ordinary judge, it's "CHIEF Arbiter"! LOL

Well anyway, the job wasn't that much different from a normal judge.

House seemed to do it every year but this year he wasn't free so he asked me to do it.

And I accepted the job because it comes with money. :p

I've never been to this competition before, even though they seem to do it for many times already.

There weren't many teams joining the Weiqi section either. 3 teams from SP, 2 teams from NYP, 1 team from an ITE, and 2 teams from Junyuan Secondary school.

Quite surprising that Junyuan secondary school was the only secondary school that came. And none of the JCs came, including Hwachong and RI. Back in my Hwachong days I remember joining SP Chess Challenge but not this one. They say that they contacted every school and even called them personally. Well I don't really know the details and I'm not the organiser, so I can only guess that there must have been some kind of miscommunication somewhere... One most serious difficulty in organising an event...

It was nice to see Hwachong getting champion for both the Chinese Chess and International Chess team. Seriously, were our C-Chess and I-Chess teams so strong? A pity our Weiqi team wasn't here to clinch the champion as well. Not that they can definitely get champion though.

One thing I like about this competition is their venue. Like this picture above they have a very big space outside their competition area with the respective boards where the players can rest or review their games in between rounds. This is really a good idea to prevent the players who finished their games from crowding around the competition area and disturbing other players who are still in the middle of their games.

They didn't specifically say "please get out of the competition area once your games are done", but having such an area set-up will reduce the likelihood of players remaining in the competition hall. Usually most of the international competitions will have this area, but many local competitions I went didn't have this. I think this is one area to improve.

One thing I didn't like was the fact that they didn't announce the rules at the start of the event. I know there are 3 different games going on so it may be troublesome to announce the rules, but I still think it is necessary. Just because the rules are written very clearly in the invitations doesn't mean there's no need to announce them on the day of the competition itself. I think it is better to do so because it serves as a reminder to the participants. It is even more important in this kind of team events. In fact, many games had problems because they didn't follow the rules regarding the seating of the players. Well, just stating my opinions.

On the overall, it was really a nice event that was well organised. I can see that the people from the 3 different board games really cooperating with each other nicely and getting things done quickly. Jinkai(overall IC?) also did a great job in managing the teams.

If possible I would like to join them again. (Also for the money :p)

P.S. As for my personal updates, will post them on a later date.

Scary Thoughts

Have you ever wondered what will happen after you die?


I don't mean what will happen to you. I mean what will happen to the world.


Sometimes I will tend to think about it.


What will happen after I die?


Who will cry for me? Who will remember me? Who will know that I once existed?


I think the saddest thing is not dying, but dying without being remembered by anyone.


The number of people remembering you would represent the number of bonds you have created in this world.


These bonds would also result in wonderful memories.


And memories are the only thing you can bring with you when you die.


Nothing else.


These memories will also be left behind in the people whom you created bonds with.


And they are much more valuable then money.


Imagine how sad would it be, when at your deathbed, you realise that you have no memories to bring with you.


How sad would it be, if everybody treats your death as an everyday news, or shows no concern at all.


I don't know when I will die. And I'm sure nobody knows.


But I know, that I sure don't want to end up that way.


Even though it seems to be going in that direction.




P.S.
Just summing up a random thought which I had a while ago.

Birthday Blues

I realised I have been complaining a lot of my blog recently.

I want to make some positive posts.

But I just can't make myself to do it.

Maybe I've just getting more and more negative these days.

Or these months. Or even years. I don't know

I predict that this will be another complaining post again.

So, I just passed my 23rd Birthday.

23rd!!

Thinking of the number really makes me feel scared.

Am I that old now? 23 years' old!!??

I can't remember how I spent my 20th Birthday.

But 3 years have passed since then.

What have I done?

What have I achieved?

I have been thinking a lot about life recently.

About my life, and about my future.

About why I still do not have a girlfriend. (LOL)

I kind of regret the choice of going to NTU to study Aerospace Engineering.

It's not that this is not good. It's not that I don't like this.

It's just that, it probably wasn't a good choice for me.

I think in order to really grow up and become a better person, one needs to experience many things.

And that's what I have not been doing. Experiencing things.

Everyday go to school, listen to lectures, tutorials, and after that go study in the library.

That's not really the kind of life I want.

That's not my ideal university life.

But that's how it is now.

Now I have very little motivation to study.

Because I don't know what I can get from this.

I don't know what this path will bring me to in the future.

I admire Chou Yang. He could give up his NUS place and go back to Taiwan to pursue what he wants.

Should I do that too?

If now I were to go back to 5 years ago to make a choice, I wouldn't choose NTU Aerospace Engineering.

I would choose somewhere overseas.

Only then can I learn how to be independent.

And how to be more mature.

Year 2 into NTU now.

Not sure if my option is still open now.

I hope someone can tell me the answer.

Though I know in the end, I still have to be the one to make the decision.

Time

I realised one problem.

I always seem to think that I have some more time.

That I have enough time to do what I want.

Hence I would often leave things to do later.

Instead of doing them now.

This competition in Japan was also the same.

In the end I couldn't even say a proper good-bye.

Time is actually never enough.

Especially happy times.

They pass like nobody's business.

Therefore, from now on I wish I can cherish every single moment.

Maybe not every second, but I hope I don't let every minute come to waste.

Or every 10 minute, based on the amount of time I've wasted so far.

Please don't let me waste any more time.

I don't want to waste any more time.

On the other hand, it could very well be that what I'm doing now is a total waste of time.

But I don't really want to think about that now.

At least, not until after I pull over this semester.

P.S. This Japan trip was really fun. I've jotted down the events, so I'll update in the future if I have the time.

Productivity and Goal

Saw this above pic on Facebook recently.

This really struck me.

It taught me something.

Or rather, it made me realised what I have not been doing.

Let me tell you about the "8 Habits of Highly Unproductive People".

Habit 1: Keep all the unimportant

(And don't care about the important)

Habit 2: Take break anytime you want

(Just have fun!)

Habit 3: Do not care about productivity pitstops.

(Things that limit your productivity? Never mind, let them be!)

Habit 4: Forget about inspirations.

(What's inner muse anyway)

Habit 5: Do not set up barriers to entry

(Make yourself as accessible as possible!)

Habit 6: Do things last minute

(Just have fun first!)

Habit 7: Do not set timelines

(Just do things whenever you want!)

Habit 8: Think that everything is automated.

(Yeah all problems will be solved by themselves)

Well this is not really exactly what I have been doing but it's more or less the same.

I think Habit 1 is the No. 1 culprit. I do way too many unimportant stuff.

So many that I often lose track of what's important and what's unimportant.

I do set timelines, but I often forget about them.

Those unimportant stuff always take away much of my time, leaving less time for important stuff.

Maybe the question here is, what exactly is my goal?

What do I want to achieve?

I realise that question is not clear to me.

That's why every night I still sleep late, and I still oversleep on some days.

Because I'm not sure what I want to achieve.

What I want to do.

So I think from now, I need to write down my goal very clearly.

And paste it on my wall, so that I can see everyday.

Yes, I need to be reminded everyday.

Otherwise, I really don't know what will happen.

Mistakes

Every day we make mistakes.

And this week I've already made 2.

Most likely I've made more than that. It's just that I only acknowledge 2.

Why?

It's not that I don't know it's a mistake.

I knew it deeply in my heart.

But I still committed the mistake.

So what should I do when I commit a mistake?

Punish myself?

How?

I remember how many people said we should make more mistakes so that we can correct ourselves.

But what if we become so indifferent to mistakes that we don't care anymore?

What if we just make mistakes but don't bother correcting them anymore?

I think the important thing is to CORRECT the mistakes, and not make them.

If you keep making the same mistakes then it's never good.

So, what I can do now, is to prevent myself from making the same mistake ever again.

If I do again, then I really have to think of a punishment for myself.

Now

2012 is here.

2011 seemed like a sleeping year.

I seemed to almost sleep throughout the year.

What have I done?

What have I achieved?

I don't know.

In fact some things seemed to have worsened.

What's the reason?

What resulted in this?

After much thoughts, I found out the culprits.

They are the words "tomorrow" and "later".

I realised I keep saying "I'll start from tomorrow", or "I'll do it later".

Ending up getting nothing done at all.

I should say goodbye to "tomorrow" and "later".

I should welcome "now" and let him be my good friend.

I realised that's the most important thing.

Or at least that's what's important to me now.

So.

"I'll start now."